Chapter 21 – More Far than Mor
It was difficult walking through the old familiar gate. A woman’s voice answered when Dolmund announced himself at the door. It was the fragile but determined voice of Momma. The door opened, Dolmund and Ellendia entered, then I followed. Momma had already walked back into the kitchen where she was preparing the evening meal. Dolmund was engaging her in light banter when she turned around and saw me. Whatever her response was going to be, it was forever lost to her. She began walking slowly toward me, hands reaching for me, and her mouth still open for her forgotten next word. Eventually she embraced me and her tears began to flow. I was numb to the moment. She had not believed in me, she had betrayed me, had let them bind me and kept me drugged with that tea. In a firm and deliberate move, I pushed away from her and turned to Dolmund. Behind me, she let slip a tiny cry of protest and then stayed quiet.
I said to Dolmund, “What now? How does this help? So, I’m at the home of my far and mor?”
Dolmund came close to me and in a hushed tone said “You must speak to your father to see if he will speak more of it. He seems under a great burden and he has said he will not speak to any but you.” then turning toward momma, “Momma Palin, is Papa sitting out behind the house?”
In a crumbling voice, “As usual” she quietly replied. At Dolmund’s prompting I went outside.
There sat the frail remains of my father. He was carving some fine details into a small white bone figure, a riding bear. A voice came from him saying “You have been gone a long time. My heart has carried a bottomless pain for you.” His words drained me of all venom and I sat on the stool near him.
Drained, my words came “I’m here. What did you wish to speak of?”
His face showed pain upon receiving my empty and cold response. Immediately I regretted it. Delivered with pain in his face, he said “After I awoke from my long sleep and momma let me know what had happened to you, I spent a month thinking what may have gone wrong. I know that before gifting it to you I had tried to pre-train it for you, but toward the end it had thwarted my efforts. So I put it away for many
weeks, torn if I should gift it to you or not.”
He resumed carving for a few minutes, then with tears in his eyes said “After you were gone and after some painful thinking on the evil that I may have created, I began to tear myself apart with regret. Soon, as a distraction and without focus, I started reading the old ledgers and journals from the town hall. About three months after you were gone, Momma gave me the hardwood box where she had been keeping the talisman. She said she had tried to destroy it and had to finally give up. It would not be destroyed as you know.” He paused and had a long swallow, “I relieved her of all memory of it so she would not be so guilt ridden. Today, she does not even know where it is.”
Again he resumed carving for a short while and said “I wanted to tell you that my studies in the old texts may have given an answer about the odd behavior and strength of this talisman. Early on, just after the ancients departed, there was a great war between the northlands and the southlands. There were many spies running about. It is rumored that long before Frostport was founded, one such spy from the southlands was caught, executed and buried somewhere within the original bounds of our fair town. In those days the superstitious and overly cautious would carry an omens bag with bones, stones, feathers, seeds and carvings. I believe the spy’s omens bag gave rise to the two dark wood trees near the town square in front of the town hall. These trees are of a different spirit than the tress we usually see here in the northlands. I should have heeded that difference and chosen differently …”
My mind was racing toward some new idea, but I didn’t know what to do with it.
Papa came to himself, stretched and inhaled deeply. He said, “Do you know why I have been carving this?”
“No, father, I don’t.”, I said.
“I have carved 32 Patijaa sets while you were away. The white riding bear in each one has a secret compartment. It seems blessed that this is the 33rd set I am completing today.” He leaned forward, twisted and pushed the carving this way and that until a compartment was visible. There was the missing talisman. The gray wood tone was replaced now with glossy black. The wood grain was barely detectable.
“I have been saving it for you. It aches for you too. It wants to be trained by you.”
For all the calamity that the talisman has brought upon the ones I loved and myself, I still felt drawn to it. Like a child is hypnotically drawn to touch the flame of a candle for the first time. I wanted to place it around my neck. I choked, “Papa, why would I want it?”
“Remember, it cannot be destroyed before you. It will endlessly seek to be with you until you work together. With tremendous eagerness, it wishes to serve you.”
“But Papa, it is so wild and savage, and you would have me tame it?”
Papa folded the carving back to it’s normal appearance and placed it with the rest of the set. “Yes, you sense it too! It is more unruly that any I have ever seen or read about and yet, is also stronger than any.” Placing the set in my hands, “Take the set with you, alone, deep into the woods. Only then should you put on the mind carving and begin the training.”
I said, “But Papa, the spy and the dark wood tree, the pain it has dealt, is it not evil?”
“NO! Abandon such an idea. Neither speak nor hold on to such an idea for long.”
Then, more calmly, Papa said, “Is a two year old child, that accidentally grabs some of your hair, causing you pain, evil? So it is with this wild thing. If you think or say something about it enough, it may fulfill the telling of it.” Then with hushed seriousness, Papa said “This mind carving is different, it craves training ONLY from you. I cannot even touch it any longer.”
So, the greatest mystery of my life began with the death of my love and my innocence, and was born from a strange seed of wrath.